i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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