I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
