I puked a lego.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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