:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize