Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
