it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
