After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
