Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
