I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Please don't give away my fajitas
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