he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this beer tastes like vomit already
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
