If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
