Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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