Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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