Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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