If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
