I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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