You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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