just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
