This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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