I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
