I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
