So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
two words...techno handjob
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
