I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
