Walk of Shame. In a state park.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
