It's Friday. Sex?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
