she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
