Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
