So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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