i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
