I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
