I'm drive I can fine osifer
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
