took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
