Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
