Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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