I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
