i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
