on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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