I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
its liver damage thursday
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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