If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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