Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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