I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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