she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
