I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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