I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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