She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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