you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
