Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
