Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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