Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
