Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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