What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
