i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
