Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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