Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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