You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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