You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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