All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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