Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
