You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
