he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
