Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
