Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
