he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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