so that wasnt chicken after all
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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