I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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