Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
