Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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