I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize