Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
