Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
