you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I could fuck to npr.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
