You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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