Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
