Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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