you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You smell like stripper and shame
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
