I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize