those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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