Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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