too bad you live with your parents still
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
