bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
