We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
