where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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