so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
