Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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