Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
