The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize