hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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