you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
