he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
