I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
