dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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