barbara walters just said penis...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
