I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
