Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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