Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
