If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
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